OK, let me explain what Sears 2000 is. No, I did not go on a 'shop-a-thon' in a giant department store, okay smart ass? Sears 2000 is the - i guess - slang term for the Ontario High School Drama Competitions sponsored by Sears. This year (March 2000), it was held in Listowel, Ontario. It was so much fun! Rewarding too... why can't there be more programs like that for a budding young actor like myself. Anyway, I'll give you the rundown -
The Trojan Women by Euripides
Performed by a Goderich High School
Am I Blue? by Beth Henley
Performed by a Clinton(?) High School
Faust 2000 by Carol Oriold
Performed by the Listowel High School
The Greatest Lies Ahead by Dan Leberg
Performed by Stratford Central High School
Headache Grey by Joel Cowan (???)
Performed by a Drayton High School
Chagall by Rick McNair
Performed by Nancy Campbell Collegiate Institute in Stratford
The Chairs by Eugene Ionesco
Performed by Stratford Northwestern High School
To Burn Or Not To Burn by St. Anne's Playwriting Guild
Performed by a high school, town unknown
The Readiness Is All by Jim Roth, Linda Ham, and John Esposito
Performed by Stratford St. Michael's Catholic High School
All The Little Girls by Melina Hussey
Performed by a Wingham High School
Misconceptions by Chanelle Morgan and Curt Alderson
Performed by St. Mary's DCVI
 When That I Was by... a teacher
Performed by a Waterloo High School
Job's Wife and I forget the author
Performed by another mystery school

The Trojan Women was great, I thought. It is difficult and perhaps a little cruel to subject amateur high school students to classic Greek theatre, but it was pulled off suprisingly well. The costumes were just great (they borrowed from the Stratford Festival - lots of Julius Caesar 1998 props). The woman who played Helena of Troy had so much spunk and talent. I'm going to find out her name... she has an outstanding voice and presense... and when she cries... SHE CRIES! The ensemble was great as well, and the effects kept things at pace.
**** - superb, few flaws, didn't like some of the adaptation, but that was not the students fault at all. I wanted it to win.
 Am I Blue?
You could say that. The script was nothing to write home about, but just the play itself had a lot to say... and that was "zzzzz". The lead female actor had plenty of energy, but perhaps too much to make her slow down her dialogue, I missed a lot of what was said. The lead male actor seemed unsure of what he was doing. I applaud him, but he needed to work on getting his head up and keeping his voice out of his throat.
** - Dull.
Faust 2000
This was one of the three winners of this year's Sears 2000... why??? Drama teacher Carol Oriold must have thought she was damn funny writing this one, but you know what? If it sounds funny to you, it'll probably be crap, unless you're a gifted comedian, which you are not. This musical sacrelige to Goethe's classic play of a man selling his soul for the better life was... well... yeah. Fast talking actors can't help at all, untuned songs... but the set??? And the effects? Probably the best of all the plays. Smoke! Explosions! Noise! Mephistopholes jumping out of a portal to hell wearing a silky red robe! Aside from that, blah. Some immortal dialogue -
BOY: That was some nasty food at the Cafetorium!
GIRL: Cafetorium? More like... creamatorium!
BOY and GIRL laugh hysterically
* - Vomit-friendly, funny when not funny.
The Greatest Lies Ahead
I can't rate or review this. I was in it. I remember all my lines: "Doctor Weiss, is everything all right? We heard shouting"... aw, yeah. Still I think it was awesome, my friend Dan wrote and directed it and it starred Chris Caldwell and Joanna Woolnaugh. Chris and Dan won awards... yahoo, boys! I wasn't suprised. Two young talents!
Headache Grey
Second winner of Sears. I'm glad! This was one of my favourites. The story was brilliant, the acting was outstanding. Only three characters and they put me into hysterics. I was watching Cynthia Koch, the lead actor, in awe... I think I had a major crush on her. Yeah... I did. I got to meet her afterwards and I was scared of her... that's how I get... yeah, I'm off topic. Wonderful play, and it was suprisingly short.
***** - Wow.
 Chagall
Cute play. Wonderful for children. Sometimes a little too much with the acting and boisterousness (is that a word?). The lead actor was very charismatic, and the ensemble was very good. Rick McNair, who I have met a number of times, would indeed be pleased with this. I enjoyed it. Fun songs, fun story, fun cast. Good family fun. And the stage design was outstanding... it was some giant apparatus...
**** - Fun, fun, fun
The Chairs
I really enjoy the work of Eugene Ionesco, and it's very hard to interpret his theatre of the absurd with precision and grace. The Chairs, who featured very youthful actors as Old Woman and Old Man sort of seemed mismatched for the part. The setting was over the top with its gothic style. The effort was good, but the play just dragged on and and on, and when I start getting ansy, awaiting for the end, it's usually not good. It could have been expanded so much more.
** - Classic absurdity lacked Ionesco's original ironic beauty.
 To Burn or Not To Burn
Yet another original disappointment. The play took the classic biblical battle of good vs. evil in a modern perspective. The cast was an unenergetic bunch (I could not hear a damn word they said) and the scene changeovers were unsuitable. There were a lot of children in the play, like Nancy Campbell's production of Chagall, which makes me wonder if it's still a high school competetion. The high point of the show was the professional-level performance of Ally Deveraux as Satan.
** 1/2 - Cliched humour, jesus himself may not be so pleased.
 The Readiness Is All
Toucing story about a group of teens reminising about a recently deceased friend, reunited by their love of Shakespeare. Oh great, another Shakespeare spinoff, I thought, but how bad could it be? My best friend Eli Ham stars in it and his mother wrote the script. And you know something? It was not bad at all. It was funny and sad at so many moments. The insertion of Shakespearean dialogue and how it was put together in sequence was done quite well. Chet Greason and Shannon Carroll had enormous spunk onstage. These kids can do the bard quite well, forsooth. My only problem was the ending... there was a point near the end where Steve Marsh dragged his sceptre in a circular motion around him a la King Lear, which he did at the beginning. But then they went on about fried chicken (?). Then Mr. Ham's character blurted out "You guys are retarded, I mean... no, yeah..." or something a la Chris Farley. I talked to him about that right after the show. What was up with that?
**** - Moving tale of how lucky we are to have our friends
 All The Little Girls
This was the one that made everyone cry. I'd agree, it had some rather shocking scenes involving eating disorders, self mutilations, and other diseases of the mind. Three girls are sent for rehabilitation and they learn how to conquer their ailments before the ailments conquer them. Interesting concept, and the stage design had the highest level of technology I've ever seen (tellies with pre recorded videos to go with the play, and an original pre recorded song by Hussey and her friends... really shows who has the $$$, eh?), but when I watched the story progress, I was sickened. This play actually made me depressed, not by the shocking graphic scenes but by the horrifying message that institutions are of no help... the doctors were mean, cold, and acted like assholes to the patients. It sort of said that psyhiatrists or youth counsellors are bad people, and it's the wrong way to approach help because by the end of the play, all hell broke loose, the girl slit her wrists, another one had a mental breakdown. I'm sure that the authors' intent wasn't to say this, but the way it was portrayed... yikes. Have these girls actually suffered from a real emotional trauma? Suicide? Drugs? I'm guessing not. These people are here to help. Kid's Help Phone - 1-800 668 6868
* 1/2 - a far out effort, but offensive message really turned me off.
 Misconceptions
Reading the program, the thing that I was totally excited for was the soundtrack! "Out Come Stars" by Odds has to be one of my favourite songs... but that changes. The play itself had interesting and truthful concepts about how rumours and - of course - misconceptions can destroy friendships and even lives. Teenage years are hell and that was portrayed quite well. Katie Stewart was electric as the lead girl. Some flaws in the acting, the script, but otherwise I didn't see that much wrong with it. It's just that I'm tired of these plays about teenage angst. I see enough of that at school.
*** 1/2 - Better than the usual cliched teen plays
 When That I Was
 Upon hearing the title only one thing came to mind... my God! They're doing Teddy Atienza's one man show! Wait... nevermind. Big colourful set made to look like city slums. I'd have to say that the script was nothing but Shakespearean scenes mixed together with mediocre original material... but the acting! Wow. There aren't that many schools that offer what I call "utilitarianistic acting" in that there's a really high level of talent for so many cast members, in other words, no one sucked! The swordfight between the two main girls was jaw dropping... whoosh whoosh crouch spin clang... hold god, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen. This was really fun to watch, too bad the play itself lacked zing. For some reason, Ewan Dunbar said that the play reminded him of K-Mart, which is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
*** 1/2 - What talent! Bad script!
 Job's Wife
Third winner of Sears. This was very very good. I was really impressed with the acting (Tony Downey as God and the female lead who I have forgotten). It took on the whole perspective of Job's tale of struggle through a woman's character's perspective. The scene where they face the inevitable tragedy that God will take the baby away from her was just heart wrenching. The cast was incredible, the set was remarkle, and it was a really really good play! It was set in a native sort of mood, perhaps Sioux... not too sure, judging by the costumes.
***** - Mmmwa! Magnifique.

All done. I really hope I get to be a part of next year's sears. Let's mosey